Wanted: Dead Only
When: Weekend, Morning
Menu: Eggs, toast, mimosas, coffee
Topic: National Security
Friend (not a dumbass): What’s that thing with the potato salad?
Friend: Can you do a Kickstarter for [name of terrorist redacted because of fear]? I’m serious. Is that legal?
Me: [laughing, snorting]
Friend: Why aren’t we just killing him? Come on, sniper?
Me: I agree!
Friend: Put a bounty on his head. Wanted: DEAD ONLY. Do it through Kickstarter.